Morning routines of millionaires are somethin I’m stalkin from my third-floor walk-up in Chicago, where the L train rattles my windows at 5 AM sharp and my cat uses my face as a heated blanket. I’m in a tank top with a mystery stain (ketchup? blood? who knows), chuggin yesterday’s cold brew cuz I forgot to buy filters again. My grind? Social media manager for a startup that sells “mindful” water bottles. I once scheduled a post about hydration at 3 AM while eating cold pizza.
I binge-read some book about how Elon wakes at dawn to conquer Mars and thought “cool, I’ll conquer my laundry.” First attempt? Set alarm for 4:30. Woke at 7:12. In the shower. Fully clothed.
Morning Routines of Millionaires: The Habits I’m Rippin’ Off
They’re fancy. I’m not. But here’s what morning routines of millionaires look like—and how I butcher ‘em:
- 4:30-5:00 AM – The “No Snooze” Flex. Bezos, Oprah, all up before the sun. Me? Alarm says “BE A BOSS.” I negotiate to 5:07. Chug water with lemon (it’s a lime, whatever).
- Hydration + Weird Juice. They guzzle celery or something green. I blend spinach, banana, and regret. Tastes like lawn clippings. Cat refuses to try.
- Movement That Isn’t Doomscroll. Yoga, run, cold plunge. I do 7 minutes of YouTube yoga, fall over, call it “core work.”
### The Day I Tried Cold Showers Like Tim Ferriss
5:12 AM. Turn knob to Arctic. Scream so loud neighbor bangs wall. Lasted 11 seconds. Emerged pink, awake, traumatized. Texted bestie “I’M ALIVE.” She replied “it’s 5 AM shut up.”
Morning Routines of Millionaires: The Mindset Hacks
They journal gratitude, visualize empires. I tried:
- Gratitude List: “Coffee. Cat didn’t puke. WiFi works.”
- Visualization: Picture penthouse. Picture private jet. Picture not steppin on Lego.
Then 5:45 AM – “Deep Work” Block. No email. Just one big task. I write water bottle captions. “Stay hydrated, stay slaying.” Boss loves it. I get a $5 Starbucks gift card. Progress.
### The Green Juice Catastrophe at 5:19 AM
Blender explodes. Green sludge on ceiling. Cat bolts. I mop with a T-shirt. Still post a caption by 6. Millionaires probably have staff for this.
Morning Routines of Millionaires: The Real Tea
They’ve got chefs, trainers, saunas. I’ve got a microwave and spite. But starting early? Gives me time. I’m done with my big task before my old self would’ve hit snooze.
I dog-eared this CNBC article on billionaire routines so hard it ripped. Then used the page to wipe blender goo.
### The Great Alarm Fail of Last Week
4:58 AM. Phone dies mid-alarm. Wake at 8:03 in panic. Throw on mismatched socks. Run to train. Realize I’m wearin slippers. Millionaires probably have backup batteries.
Okay, I’m Done (Till 5 AM Tomorrow)
So yeah—morning routines of millionaires? They’re polished. Mine’s a grease fire. But I’m up. I’m movin. I’ve got green stains and cat hair and a to-do list that doesn’t own me. Yet.
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