I swear, my 5AM morning routine saved my life, but it’s not some Instagram-perfect nonsense. Picture this: I’m in my tiny Chicago apartment, the radiator’s clanking like it’s auditioning for a horror movie, and I’m fumbling for my phone at 4:55 AM because I forgot to turn off the snooze button. Again. I’m not a morning person—never was. Like, I used to think people who woke up before 7 were aliens. But last year, I hit rock bottom—burnt out, scrolling X till 2 AM, eating cereal for dinner. Something had to give, so I tried this early morning habits thing, and, well, it’s been a chaotic, beautiful mess.
Why I Decided to Wake Up Stupid Early
Okay, real talk: I started my 5AM morning routine because I was jealous. My buddy Jake—lives in Seattle, total tech bro—kept posting about his “life-changing” morning ritual on X. I rolled my eyes so hard I almost sprained something. But then I saw him, like, thriving—new job, new girlfriend, running marathons. Meanwhile, I’m spilling coffee on my keyboard during a 10 AM Zoom call, looking like I just rolled out of a dumpster. So, I thought, fine, I’ll try this wake up early crap. Spoiler: It was brutal.
The first week? Disaster. I set my alarm for 5 AM, but my body was like, “Nah, bro, we’re sleeping till 8.” I’d slap snooze, dream about waffles, and wake up feeling like a failure. But then I read this article from Harvard Health about how morning rituals can rewire your brain for productivity. Sounded legit, so I kept at it. My trick? I put my phone across the room, next to a glass of water I had to drink. Hydration plus annoyance—it works.
My Actual 5AM Morning Routine (It’s Not Pretty)
Here’s the deal: my morning ritual isn’t some influencer’s dream. It’s me, in my faded Packers hoodie, stumbling through my routine like a zombie. But it works, okay? Here’s what I do, step by messy step:
- 5:00 AM – Wake Up (Kinda): Alarm blares. I curse. I chug that water by my phone, which tastes like regret. Sometimes I trip over my cat, Muffin, who’s decided 5 AM is prime time to attack my ankles.
- 5:10 AM – Coffee and Chaos: I brew coffee in this ancient drip machine that gurgles like it’s possessed. One time, I forgot to put the pot under it—coffee everywhere. Check out Bon Appétit for brewing tips so you don’t screw it up like me.
- 5:20 AM – Journaling (Sorta): I scribble in a notebook—random thoughts, to-do lists, maybe a doodle of Muffin. It’s not “Dear Diary,” it’s more like, “Why am I awake? Oh, right, morning productivity.”
- 5:40 AM – Move My Body: Nothing fancy. I do some stretches in my living room, dodging Muffin’s judgmental stare. Sometimes I follow a YouTube yoga video, but I’m terrible—fell on my face once.
- 6:00 AM – Plan the Day: I write three things I have to do. Keeps me from spiraling when emails start piling up.
What I Learned From My Morning Ritual (Spoiler: I’m Still a Mess)
Here’s the raw truth: my 5AM morning routine didn’t turn me into Jake. I’m not running marathons or landing dream jobs. But I feel… steadier. Like, I used to wake up at 9, already stressed, chugging Red Bull to survive. Now, I’ve got this quiet hour where it’s just me, my coffee, and the sunrise. It’s not perfect—I spilled coffee on my journal last week, and Muffin keeps stealing my pen. But I’m more focused. My boss noticed I’m not late to Zoom calls anymore. Small wins, you know?
The biggest lesson? You don’t need to be perfect to start a daily routine. I messed up a lot—still do. One morning, I overslept and woke up at 6:30, panicked, and tried to “speedrun” my routine. Spoiler: Yoga at double speed is a bad idea. Pulled a muscle. But I kept going, because even a half-assed morning ritual is better than none.
Tips for Your Own 5AM Morning Routine (From Someone Who’s Screwed It Up)
Wanna try this wake up early thing? Here’s my advice, straight from the trenches:
- Start Small, Dude: Don’t go from 10 AM wake-ups to 5 AM. Try 7 AM first. Ease into it.
- Make It Yours: Hate yoga? Dance to some Lizzo instead. Your morning productivity should feel like you.
- Forgive Yourself: Some days, you’ll hit snooze. It’s fine. Just try again tomorrow.
- Get a Muffin (Or Not): Pets make mornings chaotic but also kinda great. Check out PetMD for why cats are morning jerks.
Wrapping Up This 5AM Morning Routine Rant
Look, my 5AM morning routine isn’t gonna win awards. I’m still a hot mess sometimes—last night, I ate leftover pizza at 1 AM, which is not part of the plan. But these early mornings? They’ve given me a sliver of control in a world that feels like it’s spinning out. I’m not saying you need to wake up at 5 AM to “fix” your life. But maybe try it. Or 6 AM. Or just, like, drink water before noon. Start somewhere.
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