My morning routine is the only thing keeping me from yeeting myself into a dumpster fire before lunch, I swear. I’m writing this from my shoebox apartment in Columbus, Ohio, where my coffee maker’s gurgling like it’s possessed and my neighbor’s blasting some godawful EDM at 7 a.m. I’m no productivity bro—half the time, I’m digging through laundry for a clean sock—but a morning routine’s been my lifeline. Like, seriously, without it, I’d be a zombie scrolling X, chugging cold coffee, and wondering why my life’s a mess. Lemme spill the tea on why you need a morning routine, how I fumbled into mine, and how you can start one without, y’know, hating yourself.
Why a Morning Routine Keeps Me From Losing It
Back in the day—like, last spring—I was a trainwreck. I’d wake up at whatever o’clock, trip over my cat, and dive straight into emails or some X thread about whether cereal’s a soup (it’s not, don’t @ me). My days felt like they were running me over with a monster truck. No control, just chaos. Then I started messing around with a morning routine, mostly ‘cause I was sick of feeling like I was failing at life before breakfast. It’s not about being a perfect human—it’s about stealing a sliver of the day for yourself.
It’s like, when I sit down with my coffee and stare out my window (which faces a brick wall, super inspiring), I feel a tiny bit less like the world’s gonna eat me alive. The smell of burnt toast—’cause I always forget to check the toaster—kinda grounds me.
The Science Stuff (I’m Not a Nerd, I Swear)
I saw this thing on X—okay, fine, I Googled it later—that says morning habits can legit rewire your brain. Something about your cortisol spiking in the a.m., so you’re primed to get shit done. I ain’t a scientist, but I read this article in Psychology Today (link here) that says morning rituals boost focus and mood. I buy it. Days I skip my routine, I’m a cranky mess by noon, snapping at my cat for no reason. Poor Fluffy.
My Morning Routine (It’s Kinda Pathetic)
So, what’s my morning routine? It’s not cute, trust me. I roll outta bed around 7:45 a.m. (fine, 8:02, ‘cause I hit snooze like it’s my job). I shuffle to the kitchen, where my coffee maker sounds like it’s coughing up a lung. I sit at my desk, which is basically a landfill of receipts and pens that don’t work. The sunrise hits the brick wall outside in this weird pinky-gray glow that’s oddly calming. I scribble in my notebook—usually whining about how I forgot to pay my electric bill again. Then I do some stretches, but I’m so stiff I look like a T-Rex trying yoga.
Here’s my morning habits, if you’re nosy:
- Coffee or bust. I use this chipped mug I got at a gas station. It’s ugly, but it’s mine.
- Scribble like a lunatic. I write whatever’s in my head, even if it’s “Why do I own so many unmatched socks?”
- Stretch (badly). I flail around for five minutes and call it exercise.
- X for 10 minutes, max. I set a timer, or I’ll waste an hour arguing about pizza toppings.
My Screw-Ups (Learn From My Dumbassery)
I didn’t just wake up one day with a perfect morning routine. Nah, I fucked it up plenty. First, I tried the 5 a.m. thing ‘cause some dude on X swore it was “transformative.” Spoiler: I passed out on my couch by 3 p.m. for a week. Then I went ham with a 12-step morning ritual—meditation, affirmations, some weird gratitude list. I lasted two days before I was like, “This is bullshit.” Pro tip: keep it simple. Your morning routine doesn’t need to be TikTok-worthy; it just needs to not make you cry.
How to Build Your Own Morning Routine (No Judgment, I Promise)
Alright, you’re vibing with the morning routine idea, but how do you start? I gotchu. This is the stuff I wish someone told me when I was drowning in my own chaos. It’s less about rules and more about finding what makes you feel like you can handle the day without rage-quitting.
- Start stupid small. Like, make your bed. Sounds lame, but it’s a win before you even brush your teeth.
- Do what you actually like. If you love music, blast some tunes while you make coffee. I’m obsessed with this indie playlist I found on Spotify (link here).
- Ignore the X influencers. Their morning routines look perfect, but they’re not showing you the part where they spilled smoothie on their white couch.
- Tweak it as you go. If something sucks, ditch it. I tried journaling gratitude and ended up writing “I’m grateful for Wi-Fi” every day.
If Mornings Make You Wanna Scream
I get it—mornings can feel like a personal vendetta. I used to sleep till noon and call it “living my truth.” If you’re not a morning person, try a lowkey morning ritual. Like, chug a glass of water and stare at your ceiling for five minutes. That’s it. You don’t gotta be a sunrise-chasing, kombucha-guzzling weirdo to have a morning routine that works. I still hate mornings sometimes, but my routine makes ‘em less stabby.
Wrapping Up This Morning Routine Ramble
Look, a morning routine ain’t gonna make you a superhero. I still lose my keys in my own apartment and accidentally Venmo my landlord $20 instead of $200 (true story, oops). But starting my day with a little structure? It’s like putting on flip-flops before stepping on Legos. Try it, fuck it up, laugh about it, and keep messing with it. What’s one tiny thing you could do tomorrow to feel like you’re not totally owned by the day? Hit me up on X or, like, yell it at your cat. I ain’t judging.
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